| Waiting Game |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|10:46 pm] |
I am playing a waiting game. At some point it will be the end of an era. It's been 16 months without it and someday, maybe soon, it will come back. My body will be that much closer to normal.
In theory, now that the milk spigots have dried up, I will have a visit from the Red Threat, Aunt Flow, my Period, I'll be Surfing The Crimson Wave, On The Rag, etc. I'm not even prepared for the return. I have no equipment or accessories immediately available. I know I'm tempting fate but on some level, I don't really believe that it's coming back. It's been a nice respite from such a mundane and relatively unpleasant female monthly passage.
Man, if only the pill didn't make me so insane, I'd consider one of those potions that gives you 4 periods a year and smoother, younger looking skin and fluffy hair or whatever. But no. I have no wish to get divorced from my Best Buddy/Baby Daddy, so I'll stay chemical free in that respect.
So I wait. |
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| Oh the tiredness |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|09:35 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | j, sahm, sleep | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | BBC news hour, which I hate | ] |
WOW I am wiped out today. It hit yesterday evening, basically the moment Spouse walked in the door. I guess I just overdid it a bit and my insomnia finally caught up with me. I did my best and went to sleep super early (compared to when I have been going to bed), but still woke up at 2am and dozed on and off until J woke for a feeding at 3:30am. After taking care of her, I took a half a melatonin and fell back asleep. J woke again, just briefly around 6 or 6:30 and feel back asleep after a minute or two, but it woke me right up. I dosed until 7:30.
Trivial, menial, creative things I'd like to do today:
-fold the damn laundry
-tidy a bit
-shower
-diaper laundry
-bring check and posters to the Video Library for the Admit Two mom&baby movie tomorrow (wow, did I procrastinate on this one!)
-long walk with the little lady
-knit (might have to frog a bit of the sleeve I just started)
Memory:
I am not a fan of waking in the middle of the night and stumbling down the hall to feed the little grrrl, but once I'm there and everything is silent it is so lovely. She just lies quietly on my lap, gulping away, half asleep, while her hands softly touch my face, neck, shoulder, breast. She is discovering that she is separate from me and it's sad and exciting. Then, when she's finished, I put her up on my shoulder and she just molds to me all warm and soft and safe. It is one of the few times I get to just hold her. Normally, during waking hours she's like a greased pig, twisting and turning and squealing. I will miss these times when they're gone. |
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| Scone adventures |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|10:42 am] |
When nap times are long, I knit, read, do laundry, or bake. I'm not a very good baker. I have never been happy with rules, so I tend to prefer the improvisational nature of cooking. A dash here, a substitute there.... My baking tends to turn out poorly or at the least inconsistent. Well, that didn't seem to stop me from attempting scones last night. I went with a recipe from my new favorite blog, Orangette. It seemed simple enough, even though I've never cut in butter EVER in my life. So in order to have something to bring to my playgroup today and as a potential gift for a couple on the block who just had a baby, I dove in head first (into four).
I love the scones from the Night Kitchen in Chestnut Hill. The dough is not very sweet, the sugar coming from the jam filled middle. hey are chewy and yummy, so I was thinking I might try a jam glaze at first. So I made the dough, maybe worked it a little too much, but not too bad. I glazed with apricot jam, had them placed on my Silpat, the oven was preheated, it was almost a success! As I started to slide the baking sheet into the oven, the corner caught on the oven rack and the whole sheet of scones fell jam side down on the oven door with a heart sizzle. Yeah, I screamed. Spouse was playing computer games upstairs and didn't hear a thing....
I admit, I salvaged all but one and baked them on up! They turned out okay. As I said they were a little heavy and I wanted them a touch sweeter.
Fast forward to this morning:
Second attempt with jammy centers. I was more careful with not overworking the butter into the flour and was very ginger with a few scant kneads. Then I split it in two, rolled them out, and sandwiched them together with rasberry jam. Cut it all into wedges as he jam leaked out all over. Added a little eggwash and popped them in the oven. These are smaller, a touch sweeter and ugly as hell. They are pretty damn good. And it probably only took a half an hour.
Nice.
Baby waking, catch a later. |
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| Body Acceptance vs. Losing Weight |
[Aug. 4th, 2008|10:17 pm] |
I like to think that I can embrace both of these things in the short term. Am I fooling myself? I just re-joined Weight Watchers last week (since losing 25 pounds 5 years ago). Since J's birth, I've felt very poorly about my body image. I look different. My hands don't know my curves any longer. My belly that I once thought of as cute and pudgy now seems to cascade over the waists of my pants. I still can't wear any pf my pre-pregnancy clothes. So, 6-months out since birth, I am starting a diet and upping my exercise with the plan of getting back to about my pre-pregnancy weight.
I mentioned this to Twin and we started talking about accepting one's body in any shape. I started reading a few blogs that she recommended and now I'm trying to find my balance and figure out why I'm feeling the way I do about my post-partum body. I've never been skinny and for the most part I've been fine with that. In the past, I would occasionally get aggravated that a certain piece of clothing didn't come in my size but I think I've felt pretty healthy for the last few years.
I have wished I was in better shape, and I think that is a big motivator for me to feel "recovered" from this pregnancy. I felt so unhealthy and in pain for those long months, that now I want to reverse those feelings. I want to feel energized and in control. I want to feel more comfortable in my clothing or sitting on the floor with my baby. My joints still ache from the excess hormones still working themselves out of my body. My scar still has the strangest aching/numb sensation. My breasts still make milk (though not too much lately). Where am I in this strange body? Can I change some of it? But while I say this, I don't expect to weigh too much less than I do now. So I'm making a promise to myself to revisit this issue as I slowly lose weight and try to be honest with myself about my self-esteem and how it connects to media images, disappointment with my pregnancy experience and acclimating to my new life as a mother.
They say, "It took 9 months to get there, it'll take 9 months to get back." I'll try to find patience.
Posts and blogs I'd never read until today:
Don't You Realize Fat is Unhealthy?
The BMI Project
Junkfood Science
These women really give me somethings to think about. |
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| Vacation, Insomnia, and Naps |
[Jul. 31st, 2008|09:38 am] |
Vacation: The beach was awesome! It was so relaxing. I had an entire day "off" of baby duty and Spouse let me sleep late while he baby wrangled almost every morning for the entire week. THANK YOU! Most of the time, J was a dream. She slept and napped pretty well, leaving us to enjoy ample free time with Twin and B, bourbon slush, wine and Trivial Pursuit. The water was icy cold, so my dreams of dangling J's feet into the ocean were well thwarted. She didn't really spend much time on the beach at all. She usually needed to be schlepped back to the house for naps, so Spouse and I kind of alternated beach and baby time. Another lovely thing about this vacation was how much sweet and quality time Twin and B spent with their niece. I know it kind of acted as a cautionary tale for them, but when she wasn't crying they were able to see how much fun J can be. It's hard to schedule visits to fit J's temperament, her often elusive nap needs and her early bedtime, so a full day of hanging out allows for lots of play and giggles.
Insomnia: When J sleeps poorly mama sleeps poorly. I've never been a serious insomniac. It's just something I dabble in occasionally. But this motherhood thing has kicked my ass. When the babe didn't sleep it made sense that I wouldn't get sleep. But now, she sleeps decent chunks most nights. But I CAN'T SLEEP! I can't get to sleep before 12am most nights, just in time for her to wake up for an occasional feeding sometime between 12 and 3am. After a feeding I lie in bed, mind racing, while trying to get back to sleep. If she doesn't wake up then, she'll wake up at 5am for a feeding and then between 6:30 and 7:30 she's up for the day. This is not enough sleep for me.
Naps: Things are worse when she doesn't nap. She's a cranky zombie baby and so am I. And right now she spends a lot of her allotted crib time pulling herself around her prison crib by the bars while kvetching/crying/screaming. I can just imagine what she'd be saying if she could speak in english:
"MommyIhateyou mommyImissyou mommyIloveyouhateyou ....tired Illjustrestforaminute.... wheredidyougoyousuck whycantImoveforward?! ....tired.... ifonlyIcouldgetmybutt-legs-armstoworkthewayIwantthemtoo!!!!!! NoIdontwantmyMonkeyormyPacifier Iwanttomove&Iwanttodoitbymyself! ....tired Illjustrestforaminute...."
Oy. |
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| Slogging through |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|11:35 pm] |
Things are getting tough without Spouse around. Just caring for little J day and night without a break is kind of lonely and very tiring. Of course I thought her sleep was under control, but I think she may be trying to learn to scootch forward (yet again seeming to have given up on learning how to roll from her belly to her back). So her sleep has been shite. Today napping was clearly my dream and not hers so I was left with a cranky little baby on my hands. When she has napped, however, she is such a joy. Now I can just put her down on a blanket with a toy and that keeps her occupied for a while. What a change from the first few months when we couldn't put her down even while sleeping!
This morning, I hosted my third Admit Two movie morning for parents with babies.Very low attendance today. Which I was kind of expecting, since the last one had like 15 folks there (maybe 12 babies?). That is a lot of babies! Today it was more like 3 moms, their kids and me and J. Lets just say I didn't make back the screening room rental fee today. Poop. But in for a penny in for a pound, so I've decided to shell out more cash and rent the space out for 2 August screenings too. Now I just need to haul ass, pick August movies and update/print the new posters and pray more folks come in two weeks. Any suggestions for PG-13 or below movies that are relatively new releases onto DVD? I hate deciding this stuff.
Finished the body of the sweater. Now I just need to work on the sleeves. I need to swatch again, since I'm not sure I can find the original swatch for the yarn I'm using.
Tomorrow: I need to buy a fan for the beach house. Also on the schedule: an Ikea run where I will try to beg the forgiveness of my ex-coworker for being such a flake for the last month. I hate feeling like a shitty friend. Especially when it's true. |
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| back from the dead |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|11:23 am] |
That's me. The little babe is a crazy, wild, lovely, angry ball of life, but she is now sleeping large chunks at one stretch. So I am hoping to reclaim some of my former life and smoosh it into this new life I'm creating. Her naps can be lengthy and she NEEDS to be in her crib to sleep well, so I'm back to knitting to fill the time when I am trapped at home. I'm still working on the Cashmere Lace Blouse by Teva Durham and it seems to be going well. I'm almost finished with the body, and will only have the sleeves left to complete. I'm not trying to put too much pressure on myself, but I would love to have it finished before the fall. Little J has long grown out of the two sweaters I made for her while preggo and I would really like to have finished another sweater or two to keep her warm this year.
I'm meeting a ton of other new mamas in the 'hood and just trying to keep my mind moving (not always an easy thing with a pre-mobile infant around).
Spouse has just skipped town for the next five days to attend TypeCon2008 in Buffalo, NY. So not only have I lost my co-parent for the rest of the week, but, and I hesitate to admit this, I'm jealous. I want to geek out with the Typography Super Fans too! There is no way that little J would sit through lectures and workshops with grace, let alone dealing with the whole nap issue, so home I stay.
Next week: the Beach! Oh vacation I can almost see you off in the distance!
Later,
a |
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| She's here!!!!!!!! |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|07:28 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | jocie | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | news | ] |
Hello all,
For those who don't know yet or who we missed in the original email, Chris and I got to meet our beautiful baby girl, Jocelyn "Jocie", as she came into the world three weeks ago on Thursday, January 31, at 1:40 PM, and we've been infatuated ever since. She was a stubborn little bugger and wouldn't flip her butt around for the doctors, so I went into the O.R. and Jocie was delivered by C-section. She came out at 6lb 5oz, with a full head of dark hair, and a healthy cry from her little 19" body. In spite of the delivery method, we are all very, very happy and healthy, and I have no regrets at all.
We returned from the hospital on Monday, and so far she's been feeding and sleeping and giving us training in the 'Diaperic Arts'. We are learning each other's rhythms and Daddy is learning to read her sounds at night. Never underestimate the value of a well-adjusted pink hat. Sometimes that's all you need to go right back to sleep. She was a bit jaundiced when she came out, so she spent some time wearing a Wallaby phototherapy belt. You can see its gentle blue glow in one of the photos. She's doing very well and should be off of it soon. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to mind it at all.
Photos of Jocie can be found on Chris's blog at http://currentconfig.com/archives/000270.html for more photos from our first weeks as a family... and years of proud stories to come, I'm sure. It's all so wonderful, unreal, happy, new, and thrilling. Lots of learning and growing and discovering for everyone involved. Most of our day is spent tending to Jocie and quietly smiling as we rock her to sleep...which we'll get ourselves eventually. More to come...
Love & sleepy eyes,
-Alisa, Chris & Jocie
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| PFF 2007 |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|05:33 pm] |
That stands for Philly Folk Fest, by the way. This was my 9(?) year attending fest as a volunteer, over the last 12 years (I missed a bunch during college). I must say that this was one of the best years I've had in a while. This was unexpected for a number of reasons, namely the fact that most of our camping buddies couldn't make it or decided not to come this year. D is teaching in Shanghai, J was work busy, Jn was in Africa, Spouse didn't want to deal with the heat (lame), B needed more time on the beach and used up a chunk of vaca time. So we knew that we would be forced to spend a lot of time in the adjoining campsite, named "Canada." So we'd be playing with many lovely acquaintances, but missing our close Fest friends.
We couldn't have been more wrong. We had the most rockin' time. I met many lovely Canadians who I'd never really talked to before. We sang, played music, listened to music on a huge tarp painted like the Canadian flag, drank, stayed up 'til 5am repeatedly, slathered on sunscreen during the day and sat close to the fire at night. I met a great budding singer-songwriter from Nashville (Robby Hecht), and we hit it off. I finally met his lovely friend Rachel, as well as getting to know some of the other Canada folk better. I cooed at Courtney's babies who screamed whenever I picked them up :( but also got in some great chill time with JL and TL and MY.
Music highlights:
Seeing Hoots and Hellmouth at a couple workshops and realizing that I was a year below one of the band members in high school! Twin and I attacked the band while they were waiting for their slot to sign CDs, and after we re-introduced ourselves to Andrew, we babbled about Fest events that the band shouldn't miss and insisted they stop by Canada. Later that night, Twin walked around the campgrounds with them for a bit, checking out some of the sights. They're a rollickin' Alt-Country, bluegrassy/indie rock blend. I can't wait to see them again when they play Philly later this fall.
The Ribbon of Highway/Endless Skyway tour: a tribute to Woody Guthrie. This was a Thursday night concert (a first in my time at Fest) which made the night before the festival starts, but most of the campers have already arrived, a much more enjoyable evening. We were no longer just waiting for Friday to come around... . And, the music was wonderful.
Amos Lee: I'd never heard of him before, which maybe shows what a bad "modern folk" fan I am. He was wonderful.
The Avett Brothers: I loved these guys when they played at Fest last year, and I think their set was even better this year. Those guys are dreamy! I love the way they dress, all shirt-sleeves and tailoring, but still slouchy with messy hair. I love the screaming with the Bluegrass soul. I want to see them when they play the Selllersville Theatre (with Hoots and Hellmouth, I might add), but I'm not sure I wrangle the cash /freetime.
Also, my volunteer position entailed face/arm/shoulder/back painting of young and old alike, for free, as a bid for Society Outreach, trying to educate people about the Philadelphia Folksong Society. That was much more fun than selling memberships. I think the changes to the committee were wonderful, and I hope people came away with a greater understanding and respect for the PFS.
:) |
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| it's been a while |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|07:25 pm] |
I don't really know why I haven't posted anything in the (almost) two months since I've been back from my project in Norway. I just always had something else to do, or was really tired because of whatever else I'd been doing. Anyway.
Uh, Norway was hard, but good. I learned how to say beer (øl), cheese (øst), chicken (kylling, pronounced "schilling"), and thanks (tak) in Norwegian. I met some snazzy folks from a variety of countries, including a couple of fabulous knitting ex-pats from the US. It was cold and rainy for the first 4 weeks, and then alternately sunny and mild interspersed with chilly and drizzly for the last 2 and a half weeks. Once the sun made it's springtime entrance, Norway just blossomed. it was like the entire country woke up. Everybody spent all the daylight hours outside, even when it was really windy and cold. It was just another reason to have an extra beer or buy a new scarf. It was really wonderful to be walking outside in daylight at 9:30pm. It was hard to be one of a handful of people from English speaking countries, but on the flipside EVERYONE in Norway speaks english. Really, everyone. Most people on the project also spoke english, so I had some great discussions ranging everywhere from trying to decipher the TV show, Lost to US foreign policy. I bought some great yarn and I've just started knitting it into a great Teva Durham oversized sweater. And now I'm home.
So let's raise a glass to me breaking the cycle of neglecting my blog. Oh, and I almost forgot. It was soooo expensive In Oslo that I couldn't afford to drink and have since lost all my tolerance. So I'll just have a very small drink. |
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| Will wonders never cease? |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|08:59 pm] |
I finished the sweater!
No, not the one I've been cursing... the one that I made for Spouse and almost finished probably 9 months ago. Well, I'm so scared that Spouse won't bring appropriate clothing to Norway when he visits that I am at this moment blocking his beautiful gray-blue baby Alpaca raglan. I even wove in all the ends. Basically, once this puppy is dry it's DONE. And Spouse will have a nice, warm sweater to wear in Oslo.
:)
or maybe I'm just prcrastinating the other things I have to do: pack, laundry, more laundry, figuring out how to get from the airport to the bus station and from the bus station to my hotel. (I already know half of the answer) |
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| knitting trauma and euphoria |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|07:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
So I've been working on and off on the Cabled Riding Jacket from Loop-d-Loop. I've finished all the pieces and was ready to put it together, add the neck, find some buttons and PRESTO! done. only one problem...
It's all kinds of screwed up: The armholes are HUGE. Now I know I measured, but something certainly went wrong there. AND it seems a little narrow at the hips. I could probabaly fix that with blocking. So I guess I have to frog the damn thing down to the bust and do all that cabling and shaping and decreasing all over again (and this thing is NOT easy). This is so depressing. AND I really need another sweater to bring to Norway. It would have been rockin' to bring one I'd knit myself, but it is not to be.
Which leads me to the euphoria.
I emailed the chick from Spelling Tuesday.... I mean I am going to Norway! Why not see if I can meet some knitters in a part of the world with a kickass knitting history, right? So Teresa emailed me right back. Neat. And She invited me to the Oslo Stitch N Bitch. I hope I'll have time to go. She also gave me some links to some Norwegian fiber stores (of course I can't really read anything on the sites, but they look interesting).
Yay!
Waste-of-Money purchase of the week: I bought a "learn Norwegian with our two CDs and little book" kit. I don't expect to actually learn any Norwegian, but I think it might be good to get used to the sound and maybe learn some prononciation. I'm told that pretty much everyone over there speaks English, so I probably won't need to use any meager language skills. Which is good because the only thing I'm worse at other than foreign languages is math! Maybe it was a waste of money.... |
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| almost the end of the Birthday weekend. |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|11:55 pm] |
Swarm was a great show. I love the Fabric Workshop, and pledge to go more often (like ever). We got icecream at the Franklin Fountain (I love teaberry), bought some music at AKA, looked into various galleries, got coffee at Old City Coffee, then trekked back to Market East station to drop off Gena.
Then Spouse and I walked to El Vez. What a fun interior! I loved the photo wall. We got a tequila tasting, snacks and another drink each. We chatted up a tourist couple from Texas. Everybody seemed fascinated by our food, drinks and napkin sketches (interior fantasy house drawings). Then it was time to change location!
We met Twin and B at Monks, drank beer, ran into a chick who went to Hebrew School with my little brother, and waited for friend J to appear. Once she showed, we just kept drinking.
Ooops, it was 10:20 and the last R8 train left Market East around 10pm. J was kind enough to give us a ride home around 11:30.
THANKS!
:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|08:18 am] |
today:
Now: go to Co-op to work some hours
Later: take the train into town and see the Swarm exhibit at the Fabric Workshop with Spouse and Gena.
Even later: go to El VEz for drinks and snacks in honor of the completion of my 28th year of life. |
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| Lutefisk here I come |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|06:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sufjan Stevens (Sp?) | ] |
I'm now OFFICIALLY going to Norway for 6 weeks. They just got my working permit from the Gov't today (only 3.5 weeks before I was supposed to BE THERE). I am so happy and excited and soon to be freaked the fuck out.
They'll pay me for the Easter national holidays so I don't have to use my own vacation days.
They'll pay for a double hotel room over those 5 days so Chris can visit and we can play in Norway!
Anyone know any Norwegian curses? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|03:33 pm] |
THANK GOD!!!!!!!
knitty finally put up the surprise patterns!
I need some new yarn to hook up Starsky.
:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|09:33 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | design | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
I'm so tired.
Just one more week until I can have my life back.
The synagogue auction is on Saturday and after that I plan on sleeping and laying around as much as possible.
Maybe I'll even get to spend some time with spouse?!
DRAINED |
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alisak's journal
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